- Since Monday, I have requested being called “Master Colleen” at all times. My dad is the only one on board, but I’ll take it.
Master Colleen, can you help me with this? As he lifts up his iPad.
Sure, Dad, I can help you log onto Facebook. You know, because I HAVE MY MASTER’S.
- My brother, on the other hand, remains unimpressed – as documented in his response to the email my mom sent out the the whole fam damily.
- It’s common knowledge that I am actually a 45-year-old woman trapped in a 25-year-old’s body. How do I know? Last night I ordered a marg at dinner and the waitress asked to see my ID. My immediate response? You’re so kind.
- My best friends know me so well. The above picture captures my excitement over the gifts Emily and Jamie showered me with. Vodka, Swedish Fish, Monster trail mix, and a new pandora charm – the main priorities in my life.
- I’m seriously contemplating becoming a hermit until mid-June, as the thought of the cicada invasion is giving me heart palpitations and PTSD flashbacks.
- BuzzFeed is my favorite website, and this article made me laugh out loud. Alone. In Starbucks.
- I’ve been sleeping so poorly lately that I’m considering chugging NyQuil before bed tonight just so I can pass out. Normal?
- How do you NOT eat this entire beg in one sitting?! I’m considering asking Cory to hide it from me.
- Last Friday, I had
onethree too many mojitos (no surprise there) and I ending up face-timing with my brother and his ahhhmazing girlfriend, Erin. Last night, in attempt to possibly stage an intervention (?), Brian texted me evidence of our chat. Like a, it’s almost the weekend – don’t be a fuck up again type message. I can handle that.
Note to self:
I should probably start modeling
- Happy Friday Eve, my friends!