I’m not what you would call a “natural” when it comes to communicating with/being around children. I normally use adult words in a high-pitched voice, and I notoriously ask close-ended questions.
I hosted a friend’s bridal shower last weekend, and while Danielle was opening her presents, a girl scout rang my door bell, hoping I’d buy some cookies.
Oh, hi!!!! (!!!!! = high pitched voice)
Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?
Oh, you see, I’m right in the middle of hosting a bridal shower at the moment.
Oh, sure, I’d love to.
Even when I make a genuine attempt to like children, I usually fail. Like the time our neighbor’s daughter (whom I’d never met) ran up to me in my yard telling me that she CAN DO CARTWHEELS.
I said, Oh wow! That’s really neat. Maybe you can teach me how to do a cartwheel.
No. You’re too old.
A few days ago, our neighbor’s cute-as-a-button daughter was out on their deck, staring at Cory and I, as only a child can do, as I ate oatmeal and he futzed with the garage door.
I made this my “do one thing a day that scares me” and approached this girl. I assume she’s 4, but she could totally be 11. Either way, I think it’s probably a good idea for children to know their neighbors, right?
It was a successful conversation, in my opinion. She told me she likes raspberries. And her new room. And the color purple – at which this point, I contributed to the exchange by saying, I can tell. Your entire outfit is purple. (It was.) She just stared at me.
Regardless, neither party ended up crying, and we parted with smiles and a wave.
I was bragging to my mom about this conversation, WHICH I INITIATED, and what does she pick up on?
You introduced yourself as Colleen?
Um, yes. That’s my name.
No, she’s a child. You’re Mrs. so-and-s0.
I was literally dumbfounded. Any other 25 year-old would feel disgusted by this, right? I mean, my friends’ MOMS are “Mrs.”
Just add it to the This is Why I Avoid Children list.