Relaaaax – Because that makes me want to relax my fist into your face.
You’re life is so good, what do you possibly have to worry about? Thank you, I know that my life is good. That’s not what this is about. Nice try, asshole.
If you just tried to think happier thoughts… Oh, thanks! I hadn’t tried that one yet!
You’re overreacting – Please know that this is not me being an overreacting, attention-seeking, drama queen. As irrational as it may seem to you, it is so real to me.
Have you tried this $75 calming tea from Whole Foods? It helps me when I’m feeling stressed. OHMYGODSERIOUSLY?!
Have you tried just going for a run? I hear that helps. Have you tried just shutting the fuck up?
Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine – You couldn’t possibly know that to be true. For example, I had a headache that lasted all day yesterday and WebMD confirmed I have approximately two weeks to live.
Try to just take your mind off of it – That would mean I need to know what IT is.