Every time Cory and I go on a road trip and we pass a sign that indicates what restaurants are on each exit, Cory never fails to point out a STEAK ‘n SHAKE!!
I always roll my eyes and making vomiting nosies to convey my feelings about Steak ‘n Shakes in a mature fashion.
Each time, Cory is let down.
So when he told me that a NEW STEAK ‘n SHAKE!! opened not far from us, I decided, “Oh, what the hell? Let’s go.”
And so we did.
While we were sitting at the table eating overly-greasy burgers and shoestring fries, I couldn’t help but realize how far we’d come.
When I was a Junior in college, I genuinely struggled with food. And it almost ruined our relationship.
I was so obsessed and focused on “not eating bad foods” that it got to the point when Cory and I often chose to eat apart, because if we tried to eat together, I couldn’t handle it. That has too much fat. Think about all those calories. Sodium, sodium, sodium. Think about how fat that will make me.
Going out for a meal or drinks with friends quickly turned me into an anxious mess. I couldn’t relax, and I definitely could not enjoy myself. It was as if a giant boulder was placed on my chest and I couldn’t breathe.
Finally, on some random Sunday when I was berating myself over everything I ate and drank the night before, Cory told me I had to quit it. He told me that my food anxiety was affecting him, and that it was affecting us. If I didn’t figure it out soon, he didn’t know how much longer we could be together.
It was the first time I realized that my issues had the ability to seep outside of my own self and touch someone else.
I sought help. I talked things out with a professional, and she helped me put things into perspective. I had to shift my perspective on what deserved more attention; my dinner or my boyfriend of three years?
Things changed. Slowly at first, but I was making progress.
After a while, I didn’t have a boulder on my chest each time we went out for pizza. I could go to bar nights and not keep a running calories tab in my mind. I was able to relax.
And now? I hardly remember that scared girl. The Girl Who Tried to Control Everything nearly ruined the best thing in my life.
I’m healthier and happier than I’ve ever been, and I’m comfortable in my own skin. The sense of accomplishment that lies within that fact is insanely liberating.
I’m sharing this with you because I know that someone reading this can relate. Maybe she’s where I was and she just needs help realizing that her perspective needs to change. Or maybe she’s better now and needs to be reminded of how far she’s come.