So, I’ve gained a little weight.
I knew this day was coming. The day I’d try on a pair of pants, they’d be a bit snug and I couldn’t blame it on being bloated. This would have caused my former self to literally crumble. But not me, not now.
I’ve been waiting.
It’s been a deliberate process, really. A conscious effort filled with losses and gains that resulted in an increase on the scale.
In the past months
I’ve lost guilt.
I’ve lost the anxiety.
I’ve lost the belief that my weight is equal to my self worth.
I’ve lost the ability to turn down dessert.
I’ve lost the “will power” to control everything.
I’ll be honest with you, though. Both literally and figuratively, the gains certainly outweigh the loses. Because during this process of loosing and gaining,
I’ve gained friends.
I’ve gained priceless conversations.
I’ve gained laughs.
I’ve gained new experiences.
I’ve gained mental relaxation.
I’ve gained happiness.
I’ve literally gained happiness.
Did my former self come through the moment I realized the snugness in my waistband? Of course she did. But as I stood there with the ability to look at myself in the mirror, snug shorts and all, I didn’t see my former self, a girl scared of a different body.
I saw a girl who loves herself. I saw a gracious heart, a thankful soul. Yes, I noticed my shorts were snug, but that wasn’t one of the gains I chose to focus on.