- You’re pregnant?! You don’t look pregnant AT ALL. Listen, I get that this is probably well-meaning, and meant to sound like “You’re not a whale!” and I do appreciate that. But my raging hormones have turned my body inside out and upside down and I don’t recognize myself most days. The last thing I want someone to tell me is that I don’t look pregnant. Because that’s all that’s happening to me right now, and I just want to feel validated. Also, I want a milkshake.
2. “Just wait…” to get more uncomfortable, to get less sleep, to have less money, to have a worse fill-in-the-blank experience than you’re having right this minute. I don’t need/want to be showered with bull shit positivity, but don’t go out of your way to be a jackass.
3. “Are you planning to breastfeed? Have a natural child birth? Go back to work?” None of these things are your business, and if you’re not a close friend or family member, I automatically feel like you’re judging me.
4. “I just loved every minute of being pregnant.” I’m not mad that you loved being pregnant. I’m mad because you asked me how I’m feeling, I said “I’ve been sick for five months” and then you respond with how great it was for you. Like, what am I supposed to do with that?
5. “There’s no need to gain too much weight.” This goes out to my mother, mostly, but others have heeded the same warning. Look, I have little-to-no control over my body right now. It’s a good day if I don’t almost pee my pants. Please do not make me feel guilty for the number on the scale, or I will cut you. [Love you, mom!]
6. “You need to put on some more weight!” Really, just don’t comment on a pregnant woman’s body
if you value your life.
7. “You’re still getting sick?!” Yes. Yes, I am. Please, make me feel worse about it.
8. “What are your plans for New Years Eve?!” Being sober and not making it to midnight.
9. “Have you started talking/reading to your baby?” No. I know I’m probably in the minority, but I think that’s weird. I’ll save all conversations for after The Baby has made it’s way through the birth canal, thankyouverymuch.
10. “You are so stupid/crazy/unbelievable for not finding out the gender!!!” Well, I’ll find out in March.