And just like that, we have a new baby!
Oliver is the most precious little baby who is already exponentially more chill than Jack was as a newborn. This probably has something (read: everything) to do with the fact that I’m not a ball of anxiety and uncertainty this time around. Praise all that’s Holy.
While I subscribe to the belief that I still have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to parenting, I’m much more confident that I have the ability to figure it out 😉
The best part of this past week (besides newborn snuggles and baby breath) has been that most of my expectations have been in line with reality. I expected to be sleeping in two hour stretches, changing an obscene amount of diapers, and doing an ungodly amount of laundry. I expected our regular routines to be off kilter, and I expected to feel frazzled.
And because I expected all of those things, they’ve been much easier to handle. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a hormonal wreck who cries about something every day, but this time, I have the wisdom to know that these struggles are a season, not a forever thing.
The one major aspect that I did not expect was how much guilt I would feel. I expected to miss Jack while we were in the hospital for three full days, and I expected to be emotional the first time I saw him as a “big brother,” but I didn’t expect to feel so guilty about changing our entire family dynamic.
In real life, I’m so happy that we’ve been able to have two boys so close together in age. My brother is one of the most important people in my life, and I’m so excited to see the sibling bond develop between these two!
But in upside-down-postpartum-hormones life, I’ve done things like cry every night because I’m nursing Oliver when Jack goes to bed and I miss out on our bedtime routine. I’ve felt this unexpected guilt because it won’t be just the two of us anymore and he doesn’t understand what’s going on.
Is that weird?
(I’ve been told by my friends with two kids that it’s absolutely not weird, so that’s reassuring. But still, I feel a bit crazy.)
Aside from the guilt, I’m feeling pretty darn good about the first week in the books. Life has quickly gotten insanely messier, louder, and more complex; but it’s also become more full, happier, and packed with even more love than I could have ever imagined.