So, yesterday I realized how pathetic I am.
I decided to deactivate my Facebook, and it was, like, way more difficult than it should have been.
Cory deleted his Facebook a few weeks ago, and I’ve been teetering on the fence ever since; wanting to follow suit, but not ballsy enough to actually do it.
I mean, I have gotten to the point where I spend time looking through other people’s Facebook pictures and profiles and knowing things about people I shouldn’t know.
People who I used to know intimately are now just pictures and status updates that show up on my computer screen. If we have let go of each other in real life, why are we still disconnectedly connected?
I need to be more about the real connections.
I got to the point where, if something fun or cool or exciting was happening, I felt the compulsion to tell the Facebook world about it.
Like, why am I subconsciously looking for validation from people who aren’t really people in my life?
And why am I not having real conversations with people who are real people in my life?! For example, I adore my cousins, and I like the shit out of their Facebook statues and pictures, but when is the last time I called any of them?
The answer is too embarrassing to admit, and I refuse to live in a world where everyone is “too busy” for a short phone call.
But! All of that still wasn’t enough for me to be like Hey, crazy, step away from the Facebook.
I realized that scrolling through Facebook wasn’t some mindless activity when it had gotten to the point where I found myself comparing other people’s joy and excitement to my own joy and excitement.
My life is pretty fucking awesome, but I let other people’s adventures and experiences subtract value from my own.
That’s just sad, and that’s not the kind of person I like being.
So, do I think Facebook is terrible? Not at all. I just think it makes feeling happy and confident a little harder than it should be. Am I giving up Facebook forever? Probably not. I just feel the need to step away, and I sure as hell don’t have enough self control to just not look at Facebook.
I’ll be honest, getting rid of Facebook kinda sorta definitely felt like getting rid of a body part. Maybe not a body part that you’d totally need to function, but more like a pinky finger.
Everyone can get by without a pinky finger, right?