One of the reasons I enjoy Christmas so much is because giving presents to people I love makes me so very happy.
Like that time I gifted an 18″ double headed black dildo at the neighborhood White Elephant. Such joy.
No, the dildo gifting is not the premise of this blog post. But God Almighty, it made me laugh so hard that I almost wet myself.
I digress. Christmas – gift giving – happiness.
So when Cory told me a few days before Christmas that my present would not be arriving on time, I took it in stride. I didn’t cry or hold a grudge (#progressneverperfection) because I was excited to give Cory his presents.
And that was exciting and cool and lovely for abooooout 10 minutes.
Because let’s be honest, I’m human. Christmas has come and gone. It’s now New Year’s Eve and my Christmas present has not been placed into my pretty little hands.
Each day, Cory will call me from work and say, Bad news, no Christmas presents were delivered today, and my heart grows a little bit colder each time.
So at dinner last night, you can imagine my excitement when Cory said, “you’ll be so excited about the package that’s on the front porch!!”
Really?! It’s finally here!?! The wait is over?! It’s MY TIME NOW?!
Oh, yeah? I say. What ever could it be? *bats eye lashes*
Giddy with excitement he says, my new CALL OF DUTY!!
And so, I am writing this post not with a new material good in my possession, but with the sound of rifles shooting and grown men yelling WATCH OUT!! FUCK THAT GUY!! echoing throughout my home.
I’m still waiting, Mr. Postman. Still waiting.