Not the Package I was Expecting

One of the reasons I enjoy Christmas so much is because giving presents to people I love makes me so very happy.

bunkoLike that time I gifted an 18″ double headed black dildo at the neighborhood White Elephant. Such joy.

No, the dildo gifting is not the premise of this blog post. But God Almighty, it made me laugh so hard that I almost wet myself.

I digress. Christmas – gift giving – happiness.

So when Cory told me a few days before Christmas that my present would not be arriving on time, I took it in stride. I didn’t cry or hold a grudge (#progressneverperfection) because I was excited to give Cory his presents.

And that was exciting and cool and lovely for abooooout 10 minutes.

Because let’s be honest, I’m human. Christmas has come and gone. It’s now New Year’s Eve and my Christmas present has not been placed into my pretty little hands.

Each day, Cory will call me from work and say, Bad news, no Christmas presents were delivered today, and my heart grows a little bit colder each time.

So at dinner last night, you can imagine my excitement when Cory said, “you’ll be so excited about the package that’s on the front porch!!”

Really?! It’s finally here!?! The wait is over?! It’s MY TIME NOW?! 

Oh, yeah? I say. What ever could it be? *bats eye lashes*

Giddy with excitement he says, my new CALL OF DUTY!! 

And so, I am writing this post not with a new material good in my possession, but with the sound of rifles shooting and grown men yelling WATCH OUT!! FUCK THAT GUY!! echoing throughout my home.

I’m still waiting, Mr. Postman. Still waiting.


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26 Responses to Not the Package I was Expecting

  1. Holy balls I’d probably rip through the house in a blind rage. Lucky for me, Ryne doesn’t play video games. But he eats really loud, so that’s annoying. There is no point to this comment at all really…

    • Colleen says:

      To clarify – COD is not MY Christmas present. That would have been terrible. Your comments always have a point. How’s that quilt coming BTW?

  2. Cory says:

    I love you…..I really really love you.

  3. Oh no! His gift better be beyond awesome! I’m still yet to receive one of my gifts from my parents, too.

  4. Besides the love Cory expressed in the comments section, what else is he doing to make this up to you?! haha. And how was this present supposedly yours? If it helps, I never got a birthday present. It was apparently in the works, but never ended up happening lol.

    • Colleen says:

      I had to go back and edit this because my friends were asking me if COD was MY present. GOD NO. He’s much smarter than that :) You didn’t get a birthday present?! Tylerrrr ;)

  5. Renee says:

    OMG I feel your pain! My husband got a play station 4 with battlefield game I was to throw it out a window! The random sound of gunfire makes my skin crawl. Men are sometime just larger versions of small boys. Be still your furious heart I’m in your boat. Wine drowns out the noise. :/

    • Colleen says:

      I keep teasing him and telling him that my present better be a new car or pony or something great because it’s taken forever ;) I will partake in wine drinking nightly from now on until this game loses it’s appeal. So, like…4 months? #godhelpus

  6. My boss told me her ex bf bought her groceries on the way home from work for her Christmas present one year.

    • Colleen says:

      That made me laugh out loud. I had to go back and edit this post because my friends and family were calling me and saying “he got you CALL OF DUTY?!” No, no, that was a gift for HIMSELF. I’m still waiting haha :)

  7. I’m opening a bottle of wine. Come over. You can’t hear the gunshots if you’re in Canada.

  8. Becster says:

    Awww poor Colleen!! I hope that your prezzie arrives soon and I’m sure Cory has got you something awesome!! :)

  9. m0rganic says:

    I had a boyfriend once upon a time that loved Call of Duty…there was a lot of wasted time sitting and watching pixilated death

  10. I laughed out loud at work while reading this! I hope you get your gift really really soon. :)

  11. Hahaha, oh man! Pretty sure the only gaming system we have at our house is my old Game Boy Color that is sitting on the shelf in our office closet.

  12. Lucy C says:

    I like the photo at the top story. You’re wetting yourself laughing at said dildo gift and everyone else looks slightly embarrassed/uncomfortable. Classic! Hope the gift arrives soon. Maybe it’s pony to go with your massive dog :0)

  13. livehalffull says:

    AHHH! Good luck- my husband spent twenty hours last weekend playing the game. I stayed cool, but, that game! You’re a role model for patience. ;)

  14. Nicole says:

    Effin dudes and their COD obsession. He’d better keep you supplied with wine until your real gift arrives.

  15. Caroline says:

    Ohhh boys!! Literally just laughed out loud though reading this…

  16. Seriously…..I feel like we could be the best of friends…best White Elephant Gift EVER.

  17. Bahaha boys and their video games. I still don’t totally get it.

  18. I would have paid GOOD money to see you purchase said item at the novelty shop ;)

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