Love Languages

Sometimes I feel a little different from most of the healthy living bloggers that I associated with, because I am earning a degree (and experience) that has nothing to do with physical fitness.

No nutritional plans and no new and exciting workouts will come from me. I’m in the counseling field, and what I bring to the blogging table is my belief that mental wellness is a huge factor in living a health lifestyle.

Maybe it’s because I’m a newlywed, or maybe it’s because I have a deep interest in intimate human interaction, but I adore The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book is an interesting read for people currently in a relationship and for single people who want their next relationship to more successful, more fulfilling.

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The whole idea is that “Couples who understand each other’s love language hold a priceless advantage in the quest for love that lasts a lifetime – they know how to effectively and consistently make each other feel truly and deeply loved. That gift never fades away.” (Chapman, 2010)

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I could go on and on about this book, but let’s just get to the interesting part that every reader wants to know: What are the 5 Love Languages?

Words of Affirmation – You feel most loved when your partner pays you sincere compliments like, “You look amazing today.” or “I appreciate you taking the time to cook dinner tonight.” Like Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” ;)

Quality Time – You feel most loved when your partner spends quality time with you, such as going on a walk or having an extra long (meaningful) conversation over dinner.

Receiving Gifts – You feel most loved when your partner surprises you with a gift.

Acts of Service – Your feel most loved when your partner is thoughtful and insists on doing the dishes, catching up on laundry, running errands for you, etc.

Physical Touch – You feel most loved when your partner engages in physical touch, such as a back rub,  sitting closely to one another while you watch TV at night, or holding hands on walk.

People can have a combination of two, but there’s usually one primary love language. After reading this book, I think people fall into relationship woes for two reasons. First,  they think everyone gives and receives love in the same way. Second, they think love is always easy and if you have to work at it, it must be doomed. Both are completely false.

Everyone loves a little differently, and at times, love takes work. But anything worth having isn’t always easy, right? ;)

What’s your love language? I’m primarily Quality Time with a combination of Acts of Service.

Your partner’s? (But don’t assume – go find out!)

 

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41 Responses to Love Languages

  1. cait says:

    I love this :) def need to pick this book up! I think of my love languages is Quality time considering we’ve been doing long distance for a year and a half now- spending anytime together either by our self or with friends is always rewarding for us both. Zach would probably say physical touch ;) Men will be Men haha.

  2. Brittany says:

    What a small world, I learned about this in a bible study at my church!! I was quality time mostly and physical touch was my second.

  3. Ashley says:

    I am soo glad that you live this book to! My language is quality time and Patricks is a combo of that and words of affirmation! :)

  4. I haven’t read that book, but I read his other book, ‘Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married.’ My boyfriend is currently reading it…we thought it would be something good to do before we get engaged! I really liked it!

    I believe my love language is physical touch (I’m definitely a hugger and get offended when people are hand shakers, haha), with a little bit of acts of service mixed in.

  5. YES! I actually wrote about this a while back, so I think it’s a fine topic for a healthy living blog. ;) I am Words of Affirmation, without a doubt.

  6. I read that book as well, and found it so interesting! I am definitely a words of affirmation girl, with physical touch being a close second. Funny though because my boyfriend is mainly quality time. I think you’re good as long as you understand what the other needs.

    Mental health is VERY important, and I think it is neglected more than physical health.

  7. Kelsey says:

    I LOVE THAT BOOK!!! IT’S SOOOOO TRUE AND HELPFUL!!!

    My love language is by far QUALITY TIME! :) next is Words of Affirmation.

    :)

  8. Danielle says:

    wow – i needed this post….my guy and I are definitely opposites in the emotions department, and sometimes it frustrates me to all heck, but I get overjoyed with the little things, like the hand hold, or waking up with his arms around me, or the laundry being washed when I get home from work…that whole everything worth having isn’t easy is such a good reminder :)

    Thanks!

    • Colleen says:

      I’m glad it’s what you needed. And yeah, it can be frustrating when you’re not on the same page – but The 5 Love Languages really helps with that :)

  9. Mark Twain has the best quotes. As for acts of service, the hubby doesn’t help out toooo much around the house, but it means a lot to me when he does. After our party a couple weeks ago, I woke up to found that he had already cleaned up all the beer bottles/cups and had even scrubbed the bbq pork from the slow cooker. And this is why I love him. ha

  10. I’m completely agree that maintaining mental health is a key part of health living and appreciate you pointing it out!

    I think the Love Languages is fascinating, though I haven’t read the book yet (you’ve just inspired me to get it from the library this week). My primary is physical touch followed closely by quality time and my husband had physical touch and words of affirmation tied for primary. I think it’s really important to recognize the differences and make an effort to give your significant other love in the way that makes them feel loved.

    I also think it’s interesting to apply the Love Languages to other people in your life–family, friends–as it can give a new insight into their behavior. What do you think?

    Other readers–If you’re not sure what your Love Language is there is a quiz here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/.

    • Colleen says:

      Thanks for appreciating that I mentioned it, and thank you for that link! I hope everyone checks it out. And YES, I couldn’t agree more – I think you can absolutely apply the Love Languages to other people in your life. Good point!

  11. I’ve read that book! and my love language is quality time. my LOWEST one is words of affirmation. interesting that my ex’s love languages were the opposite of mine, right?

  12. Dorsa says:

    I think I am a little bit of all of these, but quality time is my #1 :)

    Hubby isn’t with me now but I will ask him tonight at dinner.

    I need to get this book for my kindle, thanks for sharing it.

  13. Tina says:

    I really want to read this book!

  14. It’s funny that you mention this! My old roommate made me take this test and I’m definitely “words of affirmation”– I love hearing assurance of how much I mean to someone. Will is actually “physical touch”, so since I found that out I’ve been making more of an effort to hold his hand, rub his back & whatnot

    • Colleen says:

      It’s great once we find out the “language” of our significant other, because when we do what makes them happy (and vice versa) it’s so easy to be happy!

  15. I feel like I would be a combination of all of them. This really makes me want to read this book, I think that will be my next download for my kindle. I love books like this that really make me reflect and better myself.

  16. Interesting post! I’m not sure what I am. I’m leaning toward Words of Affirmation. I think the boyfriend is either Receiving Gifts or Acts of Service. I love your words on it not always being easy! This is important to remember, especially being in a semi-long distance (and possibly going to get longer distance) relationship.

  17. Whoa, do you mind if I ask where you live? Because we JUST learned about this in my Marriage & Family class..

    It’s probably a coincidence but it’s still making me wonder- haha!

  18. Cassie says:

    Hi Colleen! First off, I’ve been reading for a while. Not sure if I’ve ever commented, but here I am finally =) Congratulations on your recent wedding!

    Also, I know what you mean about feeling kinda “different” from other healthy living bloggers. I also do not have any certification of any time for nutrition and/or fitness. Sometimes it makes me sad, but mostly I’m excited about my future career (Occupational Therapy) – now I just have to get into the Masters Program I want!

    Hope your program is going well – love the blog!

  19. I agree SO much with the idea of Love Languages. Peter and I read the book awhile ago and learned a lot. He is a touch person and I’m a service person. We really did try to show love in our own ways and not taking into account what the other needed. When we changed our perspective it made such a difference.

  20. Pamela says:

    Have you read the book, “I Do, Now What? by Giuliana & Bill Rancic? Another good book on this topic! :)

  21. Rebecca says:

    I recently read this book-amazing! It changed the way that I look at relationships and I have a better understanding that each person shows affection in different ways. I think I’m more of a words of affirmation person. I live off what other people say.

  22. Grace says:

    I am the same as you! My boyfriend is….apparently likes receiving gifts (little did I know) and quality time as well.

  23. I have read a bit about this before! I’m a words of affirmation / QT / physical touch kinda person. I try to show my boyfriend love in all five ways though :)

  24. Stephanie says:

    I’ve always loved the five love languages. It just makes so much sense. I’m primarily physical touch, and also words of affirmation. My husband is acts of service. I’m kind of lazy sometimes, so I have to remember to take the intiative and do things – like pick up the mail or call the plumber.

  25. Brittany says:

    Love the love languages! Did the love languages test my freshman year in college! I have what my best friend and i call “quality touch” hahaha. I’m a tie for quality time and physical touch :)

  26. Pingback: How to love « The 20s Bride

  27. Michelle says:

    Awesome post; I love it!

  28. Melinda says:

    I read the Love Languages book a few years ago and loved it! I guess I am a combination of all of them, but love words of affirmation the most :) Great post!

  29. My boyfriend and I took the quiz a few months after we started dating and we’re still going strong. I’m quality time and my boyfriend is words of affirmation.

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