Welp, it’s that time again. Time to start my day off with a trip to my least favorite doctor.
Talk about an overall painstakingly awkward experience. I don’t care that I’m an adult and should handle this situation as such. I don’t care that I freak out over the disrobe dash. And I don’t care that my doctor spends her 9 – 5 eye level with lady parts so it’s “no big deal” for her.
It’s still fugging awkward for me.
And her toolin’ around in my lady parts is only slightly more awkward than sitting in the waiting room.
I sign in and strategically scan the waiting room for the best seat. I have this irrational fear that if I sit next to a pregnant lady, I might catch something. Like a fetus.
I’m also hyper vigilant about the magazines that I pretend to read while trying to shake the word stirrups out of my brain. I avoid touching Motherhood or Parenting publications – I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea here.
I’m just here for a yearly check up, people!
So if my worst fears come true and she comes in without knocking and I haven’t fully hidden my bra in the pocket of my jeans, or I accidentally pick up a mothering magazine, I can take comfort in perspective: at least I’m not at her end of the table.
Love the part about “catching” a fetus, it made me giggle. I’m so anti-producing a human right now. Someday sure, but right now I REALLLLLLY enjoy my freedom.
AMEN! I’m so happy for people who are pregnant and want to be. But I’m too young right now! I forget to feed my dog sometimes, for Christ sake.
Aahhhhh!!!! It never gets easier, no matter how many times we have to do it. Awkward! Good luck!
ahhh i’m going tomorrow. never gets easier! luckily it’s pretty quick.
OMG thank god I am not the only one!!! But I read this and got instantly nervous for my appt and it’s months away!!!!
what a way to start your day….i hate that doctor visit!
haha lady docs.. bleh.. I hate them too..
I’m over it. I don’t know at what point that happened, but it did.
When I MAKE the appointment I think I’m over it. Then the night before/the car ride there I’m like “Not over it. Not over it. Not over it!!”
Your perspective is too funny! It’s good you still get the exam even though it’s not your favorite thing. So important!
LOL thanks! You’re right – it’s not fun but it’s totally necessary health-wise.
“might catch something… like a fetus” hahahaha i have that same fear actually
Hahaha thank goodness I’m not the only one!
Haha love it thanks for giving me a good laugh this morning
You’re so welcome! Thanks for laughing
I feel that way too. So awkward, but all of us (girls) have to do it!
So true! A right a passage I guess
Hahaha I love how you word things. Just reading this post gives me the chills…I really do not like those appointments at all! The worst is when you’re in the stirrups and she tells you to scoot a little more towards the end of the table. “A little more” “okay, just a little more now…keep scooting” Oh my goodness, I just want to die at that moment as I’m sliding a bare but across the table as she watches under the cloth. Ahhhh
Hahaha I love how you word things. Just reading this post gives me the chills…I really do not like those appointments at all! The worst is when you’re in the stirrups and she tells you to scoot a little more towards the end of the table. “A little more” “okay, just a little more now…keep scooting” Oh my goodness, I just want to die at that moment as I’m sliding a bare butt across the table as she watches under the cloth. Ahhhh
GAHHH! That’s the WORST part!
I caught a fetus…it’s not so bad.
Congratulations to you!!
No, usually it’s not a bad thing. But when you’re not ready and you have medical considerations weighing on your “fetus catching” – babies are scary. And I was just magnifying my fear in this post – please know it was meant to be a joke 
Okay…I tell you this all the time, but you are hilarious. I love how you said you might catch something “like a fetus.” hahaha. It is rather uncomfortable, but more likely for those docs. LOL. Strangely my least favorite doctor visit is actually the dentist. Weird, right?
You crack me up. I’ve had to go to “that doctor” pretty much once a month for 17 months now. After a while, unfortunately, it doesn’t become that big of a deal for someone to be “all up in your business”. But, like you, I feel the need to hide my bra and underwear under the rest of my clothes. I don’t know why. I mean, they know I had them on when I got there. I guess it’s just the thought of having them out there to be seen.
Hahah… I’m dying.
And as someone who goes every month (because I caught a fetus), I DO assume everyone else in there is pregnant, too. And if I knew you and saw you in there, I’d probably tell everyone you were knocked up within 20 minutes of leaving the office.
so don’t pick up those mags!!
Colleen, you are too much. HAHA.
Although I used to be like you I feel like a verteran now. Between a breast reduction, 3 miscarriages, Averys complicated pregnancy and now us trying for baby#2 I have to go more often than that dreaded Annual visit.
Here’s where I’m a weirdo. Instead of that awkward silence I’m usually trying to crack jokes….Hell, I’ll be honest. My last visit last month for my annual, I botched my “Lady bits” groom job the night before because that always weirds me out about what I look like down there as if my OB’s opinion matters to begin with. When she started my papsmear I asked her on a scale of 1-10 how off was I on the semetry with my bikini line in which she started laughing hysterically. Then while she was feeling my lady humps I asked her what she wanted for our next date since I thought we skipped a few bases already.
It’s my coping mechanism (witty one liners).
Lol so with you on this one, things like this will never become less awkward. Huh you have to do what.. clenches teeth and fists. No not down there!!