If I Were a Guy

Yesterday Cory and I were discussing how differently we value certain things, how we relax differently and how we react to some thing differently. It really made me stop and think of that book Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus :)

While I don’t agree with that theory, there are certain times when I think, Jesus – guys are so different from girls.

So then it got me to thinking – If I were a guy…

I wouldn’t care about exercising to stay fit. All I’d have to do is go on one measly jog if I wanted to lose five pounds.

pre-picnik source

I would eat a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, Chic-fil-a for lunch (Grilled chicken? Psh. Gimmie that regular Chicken sandwich.) and a juicy steak and mashed potatoes for dinner. Even if I gained two pounds, it wouldn’t show on my 6-foot+ frame.

I would smell myself. Often. Boys just smell good, don’t they?


I probably wouldn’t get excited about snatching up 3 pounds of bananas at Costco for $1.39. (A BUCK THIRTY NINE!!)

I’d play video games. I’d go all out and wear the head set and talk to my friends while playing fake war games. Then maybe I’d understand the appeal when I switched back to being a girl ;)


I’d drink beer. Seriously, I get full after one beer. How in the hell do guys have the ability to stomach so.much.beer.

Yeah. I don’t get any of it.

Ladies, fill in the blank If I were a guy, I’d __________

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20 Responses to If I Were a Guy

  1. Rebecca says:

    I’d be happy to be a guy and eat whatever. I’m fairly short, so a pound or two gain would show up on me :/ If I were a guy…I’d never have to worry about being cold! I’m always cold, but my guy friends are never cold.

  2. I’d do all of those things, and I wouldn’t clean quite as much. It seems guys don’t have as clean of living spaces as females, yet they aren’t judged for it either (to an extent of course!)

    It kills me that my hubs NEVER works out and can eat chips/drink beer without counting calories, and he’s still as slender as ever.

  3. Take half as long to get ready in the morning!

  4. I would spend a lot less money on clothes, spa visits, and organic food!

  5. haahaha look at that cutie patoot Brian.

    If I were a boy, I’d eat a whole hell of a lot more than what you just listed for your food for the day. ;) ‘CAUSE I CAN.

    I’d also chest-bump every other guy I know 6 times a day. If I didn’t meet my quota, I’d go for strangers.

  6. Dorsa says:

    hmmm If I were a guy…….I wouldn’t gain any weight because I have some freakishly crazy metabolism that prevents me from gaining weight , no matter what I eat!

  7. I wouldn’t worry about carrying a rape whistle and pepper spray everywhere I went. And I would use all the money I put towards makeup and hair stuff and other girly stuff toward my college loans…wouldn’t that be nice ;) .

  8. Kelly says:

    I wouldn’t shave. Men get away with the scruff and it’s sexy. Women with leg scruff is gross. I wouldnt wax or wear make up. NEVER worry about wearing heels and bras. I’d wear their baggy, comfortable clothes.

  9. This is so true! If I were a guy I wouldn’t worry about going for a run in the dark without having to look behind me every 30 seconds to see if I’m about to be murdered.

  10. If I were a guy, I’d scratch myself in public. Just because.

  11. Kelsey says:


    If I were a guy, I’d be able to wake up, roll outta bed, and go out the door. It takes NO time for them to get ready!!!

    and not worry about how an outfit makes me look on certain days of the month!

  12. If I were a d00d I would rev my engine at pretty girls than drive way real quick to show off my muscle car.

    Wait…is that only potsdam that does that?

  13. Haha awesome post. If I were a guy I would jump for joy when I didn’t get a period every month :D

  14. If I were a boy, I would wear basketball shorts and a t-shirt all day every day. :)

  15. If I were a guy I’d pass on dessert. What is it with guys and just being able to turn down sweets? or chocolate? girls just devour the whole cake and guys are like “eh, I’m full i guess”.

  16. Brittany says:

    If i were a guy… I wouldn’t get SO EMOTIONAL over so many things!!!

    When you drink your beer…. please tell me you aren’t drinking THAT stuff!!! SO much better beer to drink than that =)

  17. Belinda says:

    I would make the time to volunteer and read to little kids. Boys don’t have a lot of male role models that communicate that reading is cool to them.

    I would also bring chivalry back!

  18. Stephanie says:

    The “two laps away” made me laugh out loud. My husband looks at himself in the mirror, says “I really should lose some weight” and then loses 6 pounds walking from the bathroom back to the bedroom. Drives me CRAZY!

  19. julie says:

    hahaha i wonder what guys would say if they were to say ‘if i were a girl’ they would probably say if they were a girl they would try and score free drinks everywhere hahaha

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