When I mentioned earlier in the week that my mom tribe is one of the few ways I maintain sanity as a SAHM, I got some feedback along the lines of “HOW are you forming your mom tribe?!” So, in an effort to be as honest and transparent as possible: this is what I’ve been doing these past few months.
Me, Spain circa 2010, searching for friends
I put myself out there On the blog, on Facebook, and “in real life” I let anyone and everyone know that I’m on the market. If you read this blog, you know I’m shameless when it comes to stuff like that. I have zero chill factor. I lack the ability to play it cool or act like I have my shit together, and for once, that personality trait has paid off. The more vulnerable I make myself, the easier it is for me to connect with other moms. I’ve reached out to acquaintances, I’ve been set up on mom dates, and I’ve had old friends reach out to me (and all of those things have resulted in new, genuine friendships.)
I step outside my comfort zone I had a reader email me in September
because she felt bad for how pathetic and lonely I was, and she invited me to a playdate at her house with her group of her mom friends. I didn’t know anyone, so naturally I made the safe decision and…drove to her home. Thankfully she wasn’t a psychopath killer (always an internet possibility) and she and her group of friends were so nice. One mom in the group lives near me and has since invited me to a few outings; unfortunately our schedules haven’t matched up, but I’m hopeful they will in the future!
I got on MeetUp.com Yep, I joined a MeetUp group; and from that MeetUp group, I arranged a coffee date with yet another group of strangers. As in, I was the organizer who knew no one. I was super nervous going into it, but I ended up having a great time. The women I met were hilarious, and within minutes of meeting we were talking about flatulence, poop, and sex – and none of it felt awkward. I know things like MeetUp can feel weird, but if you don’t know anyone in you’re area, I think it’s a great place to start.
I join classes and groups I’ve been taking Jack to music classes once a week and I’ve joined a women’s group at a local church, which I adore. I was invited to both by acquaintances who have turned into some of my favorite mom friends! Doing things like a class or group can help break the ice if you don’t know the other mom very well, but it also helps form a bond and common interest.
I got coached I’ve been working with life coach Gervase Kolmos of Shiny Happy Human, and she’s built what she calls a “mommy soul tribe.” It’s been awesome to have weekly calls with a small group of women where you’re uplifted and supported. Gervase creates this space where it’s so easy to be vulnerable and honest about the happy and human parts of motherhood, and I’ve had an amazing experience so far.
I use social media The blog has provided me the opportunity to connect with moms all over the country! Daily texts and pictures and emails from my ‘long distance tribe’ always brighten my day.
If anything, I’ve learned that making new friends as an adult (moms or not) takes so much work; it can be awkward and time-consuming, but when you find your tribe, it’s totally worth it.