DOHmestic: I Made it Five Months without Ruining Dinner

Welp, yesterday the Kitchen Gods (just kidding, Gina) were against me. I woke up early on my day off to make my dad carrot cake cupcakes before my day got rollin’. I thought it’d be a good idea to make them from scratch, nonetheless.

I don’t know what the hell happened here. By 9:00 in the morning, my apartment smelled of burnt popcorn.  And these babies were hard as rocks. It was an epic fail.

Around the same time, I was putting together our crock pot dinner: orange chicken. I followed the recipe to a T (as I did with the cupcakes), but something went terribly awry. When it was ready, I plated our dinner on a bed of jasmine rice with a side of pathetic frozen veggies – which by the way, looked SO MUCH BETTER on the packaging.

We both took our first bite – and waited. Cory is much too kind to tell me that I suck.

Me: Wow. This tastes like dog shit.

Cory: It does kind of leave a weird taste in my mouth.

Me: Yeah, like dog shit would. 

Cory and I attempted a second bite, hoping that things had changed. As if a small delivery man snuck in under our noses and swapped out my disaster with General Tso’s.

Me: Yep. Nope – that still sucks. 

Cory: I’m sorry, I can’t eat this. 

We walked into the kitchen resembling a small funeral procession – slowly scraping our foul dinner into the trash. Please trust me – we hate wasting. It was that bad.

Without much discussion, we immediately put on our coats and headed out the door. We wanted real (and by real, I mean American) orange chicken.

Yes, friends, we went to Panda Express for dinner. No friends, I’m not proud about it.

Remember how I mentioned that we literally trashed out our dinner and headed to the car? All I want is that I was lookin’ reeeeal fine.

ANTM, here I come!

I said, “Woof. I can’t even take a picture for the blog and pretend that it looks acceptable.” And then Cory threw down the gauntlet: “But at least it’d be real.”

Yep, that’s what happens here at The Lunchbox Diaries: I keep it real ;) Hey, at least I made it 5 months as a married woman before I ruined a dinner.

I’m sure it’s happened to everyone, right? ..Half of everyone? …Some people?

Comments

  1. Joni says

    1- I once made lemon chicken that Mark suggested may taste better IF WE WASHED IT OFF! 2- I love my boy’s kindness. 3- You actually look a bit Asian in that picture.

  2. says

    HAHA! I laughed out loud while reading your conversation and description of throwing the food away. I’ve had to do that many times, unfortunately, and it gets pretty frustrating. I’m glad you were able to find “real orange chicken” somewhere else:)

  3. says

    umm it happens to me all the time.. But I cry about it.. because I am a big baby, and I hate it when I mess things up… I am pathetic I know.

    I would love to tell you it gets easier.. but it doesn’t :( being a wife is hard work man.. haha. but the next day you can laugh about it, which elevates some of the sadness.

  4. says

    I lucked out. Evan has a iron stomach and our first year of marriage proved it. I would sit at the table and beg him not to eat something I ruined and he would still eat it. I on the other hand would cry and eat cereal instead. He once bragged to his pals over my “homemade burnt sugar cookies” he put them in a tin and would snack on them.

    6 years later and I’m proud to say I’m a pro at baking and throwing something together…he on the other hand is a hamburger helper master chef only. :)

    Thanks for keeping it real. It’s refreshing to know I’m not alone out there sometimes in mishaps and all around failures. Here’s the cool thing though, you get to laugh about it later in your marriage.

  5. Amanda Jean says

    You’re doing great! We all have off days, and I think it’s great that you recognize this instead of condemning yourself for it. xoxo

  6. Colin says

    I’m sorry, but I just don’t get it. A girl left a comment on your blog a few days ago and for whatever reason, you can’t let it go. I know you’re trying to make a joke of it, but between your husband’s comments and your mention in two different posts, it’s obvious that it really bothered you. Instead of dancing around it, can you just tell me what was so terrible about what she said. Here’s “Gina’s” comment:

    “Wow. I’m shocked that someone who is attempting to reignite her relationship with Christ feels that judgement and hypocrisy is the way to go. Not to mention using Christ’s name in vain (Christ’s sake!). Good luck finding a Church- I really hope you find one. But I think it is better to act like a real Christian than it is to put on a charade by attending Church and having a poor attitude.”

    You admitted yourself that you were being judgmental. Was it just wrong that “Gina” mentioned it as well? I understand you were trying to be funny with the post. I get that. But to some people, Christianity isn’t a joke, ever. “Gina” obviously is one of those people. Why are you so upset about that? Are you that against other people’s opinions if they aren’t just like yours? I hope not.

    All joking aside, your attitude did come across as kind of poor. Once people have kids, are they not supposed to go to church anymore? Are kids not supposed to be brought up in a church because they can’t sit still? Because you and your husband might be inconvenienced?

    Again, I understand you were trying to be funny. But I hope you understand that it could also rub people the wrong way. The 20-24 year (most of the people who comment on your blog) old girls who aren’t married, who don’t have kids, and aren’t at that stage in life think it’s hilarious. All I can say is one day you’ll be in those parents shoes and you’ll get it. When (if ever) you’re ready to have kids, I promise that your perspective will change and it’ll be people like the judgmental side of you in that post, that you’ll want to go off on. It happened with me and it’s happened with everyone I know that has kids.

    Anyway, don’t get mad that I disagreed with you. Other opinions are good. Accept them and move on. Let “Gina” go.

    Colin

    • Colleen says

      Hey Colin, thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed comment. If you don’t like my sense of humor, you don’t need to read my blog. Just sayin’. Have a great weekend!

      • Colin says

        You just kind of proved the point of my comment. The whole, “if you don’t like it, don’t read it” thing is funny. If you don’t like comments that go against your thoughts, then don’t open up comments. If you don’t like people disagreeing with you, then quit writing a blog. Do you see how your logic works?

        I defended someone who disagreed with you and you don’t like that. Just answer my question, why? Why is disagreement so bad? I just read my comment again and I don’t see where I said I didn’t like your sense of humor. I just defended someone who doesn’t think Christianity is a funny subject. Again I will ask, WHY IS THAT SO BAD??????

        Thanks.

        And you have a great weekend as well.

        • Colleen says

          Colin, there’s nothing wrong with disagreeing with me and my opinions. Nothing at all. If you want to disagree with me, go for it. But this blog is for fun, not for heated debates. You’re right, religion is a touchy subject and someone is bound to be offended, and I’m sorry if someone stumbled on my blog and was upset – that is never, ever my intention – but if someone is going to all but condemn me – I’m going to poke fun.

          I wasn’t trying to be funny when I said “if you don’t like, don’t read it.” I write this blog for myself and for people who ENJOY reading it. If you don’t enjoy it and don’t giggle along, I encourage you to read elsewhere. I don’t write this blog to combat everyone who disagrees with me. I’m too busy for that. Life is too short to partake in things that upset you, and clearly my blog does for people like Miss Gina. It’s not worth it. This blog is purely fun and good natured.

    • says

      I’m a 26 year old, married, mother to a 3 year old. Do not speak for me on another persons blog. As a devoted member of my church and as involved as I am in weekly events I have to say that yes, it’s disrespectful of PARENTS to allow their YOUNG children to go loose in church. That’s what sunday school, Childrens church and the crying room is for in nearly all churches of ALL denominations. If the parent is truly there for the sermon and to get their spiritual needs met then they obviously would want that for their own children mninus the distractions.

      Colleen put her opinion and view point of her experience on her blog. Is that a crime? No. This is America and she has the Freedom of free speech. For someone to antagonize and disrupt that on her blog because they got their underwear in a bind and took it the wrong way is on them, NOT Colleen. so do us all a favor and lay off and go find “Gina” to lick your wounds together and go on living in the bitter bubble of drama you seem so facinated with.

  7. says

    Hahaha, I appreciate that you keep it real :). I’m sure I will have some dinner disasters in my future. And there’s no shame in going out to dinner in your sweats. A few weeks ago, I went to the fro-yo place in my fleece pajama pants. Yeah…I was craving it that badly.

  8. says

    aww it has happened to me plenty a time!! Good quick thinking with the back up plan though – usually Tripp and I just wallow around the kitchen trying to find something to make up for the crap that I tried to serve as dinner.

  9. Anne Kendall says

    It won’t take me five MINUTES to mess up the simplest dinner. I have DOHmestic moments all the time, and I live alone! Keep truckin’ :) On a completely unrelated note, do you have any advice for a new blogger trying to get her stuff read? I’m pretty sure the only people reading are my parents — Which is fine, but I’m not writing parent-daughter letters… Do you have tips to make my writing more interesting, attractive, humorous, serious, readable, etc.? You have my email address if you find a few minutes this weekend (or whenever)! Thanks, Cleen! <3

    P.S. I've been intrigued by the comments and replies ever since "Gina" made her first appearance. Props to you for holding your head high and for allowing people to freely express themselves on YOUR blog. I'm hoping people will do the same on mine, and that I'll be able to take criticism with a grain of salt.

  10. says

    There have definitely been times where the food I have made has been less than stellar. I don’t think we’ve ever totally trashed a meal though – I seriously will cry even when the Husband tells me he doesn’t like something. I’m just a sensitive soul is all.

  11. says

    I was burning dinners long before my hubby and I got married. One particularly horrid creation was a vegan pad thai that I attempted, like you, following the recipe to a T. I wish I was blogging back then because the expressions on our faces trying to choke that crap down was almost worth the amount of food that hit the trash that night. At least you know it’s love.

  12. says

    Girlfriend you are not the only one who fawks up meals…trust! I LOVE cooking and I would say I’m pretty good at it for the most part, but every once in awhile I’ll make something new, go out on a limb, take a bite, and immediately want to punch yourself in the face just so my brain can think about anything but the disgusting piece of ish I just put in your mouth. It happens. BUT the good news is for every one dinner you royally eff up, there are usually 2 or 3 out there you nail. Keep cookin :)

  13. says

    I am the same way and hate to waste and will call myself out for a bad meal… My biggest problem is that my fiance will literally eat anything- I should make a bogus meal one night and see how he reacts, most likely he’ll just smile and gulp it down :P

    P.S. Sweats, no make up, and food in my mouth is my typical look, no shame… Work it girl!

  14. says

    LOVE that you’re keeping it real! I have ruined many a meal in the 11yrs I have been with my man, so don’t feel bad. Plus it gave for a great memory and blog post :)

  15. Kate says

    De-lurking for a minute…

    Yeah, this has definitely happened to me more than once…no shame at all! I currently live in China, so I smiled at the fact that you guys went to Panda Express. I find myself really missing American style Chinese food sometimes!

  16. says

    This post was hilarious, Colleen! I have found myself in the same situation plenty of times. Five months without a fail is a huge accomplishment ;) I have one every couple of weeks. I am so thankful in those moments for take-out dinners!

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