(Dog) Mother of the Year

Like everyone on Facebook, I was dreading the loss of an hour of sleep on a Monday morning. I had my alarm set for 6:10, but the Universe laughed and said you wish, sucka.

Penny was yelping in her crate at 4:30am. Cory jumped out of bed, because I didn’t hear it (best dog-mom ever!) and came back up a few minutes later to tell me there was puke and bile all over her crate.


As the experienced dog owners that we are, we decided to let Penny in bed with us so we could attempt to salvage a few more hours of sleep.


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Why did we think she would stop hacking up a lung just because we put her in our bed? Because we’re soft, people! In a matter of moments, she was dry heaving and coughed up a small pile of mucus-y bile in the middle of our comforter.

Good thing we have a king. Why? Because we wanted our fucking sleep. So, we wiped it up and Cory said, just don’t roll in the middle. 

Sounds good, man. 

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When she did it a second time, I thought, maybe we’re foul human beings. But, again, the desire to sleep outweighed the self-judegment.

This is real life folks.

 Anyway, she didn’t stop coughing and she was shivering like a madwoman, so my motherly instinct finally kicked in to gear.  I had to stop my brain from going to maybe she has a cold, to maybe she only has hours to live. 

We got out of bed and into the car in a matter of minutes. When we got to the animal ER, the girl at the front desk asked me a million questions, half of which, Cory informed me once we were in the privacy of the examination room, I got incorrect.

Mother of Year is inevitable, don’t you think? 

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When the vet came in, she needed me to distract Penny with some treats so she could get Penny’s temperature. She lubed up the thermometer and stuck it in Penny’s hiney. (I laughed because as she did it, she said boop! but I thought she said poop!) 

Again, Mother of the Year will be mine when I have humans, I’m sure of it. 

To make a short story long, which I have the talent of doing, my little bubby has bronchitis and I’m confused as to why the world hasn’t stopped turning.

Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I just plan on sitting on the couch with my baby all day, catching phlegm and rubbing her back whispering you’re a good girl. You’re okay. Mommy loves you. 

If owning a dog serves as any sort of foreshadowing as to what kind of mother I’m going to be, I’m in for a lifetime of Xanax dependence.


  1. says

    This is so funny, because we did this to our pit when he was sick, and he ended up peeing on our down comforter. Two visits to Puritan Cleaners and about $100 later, we learned our lesson not to be softies. But …. Willie is currently sleeping in my bed. SOOOO….. #mothersoftheyearunite

  2. says

    Poor thing! I am equally as terrified when my kids are sick as to when my dogs are. When Lola was little she had a schlew of respiratory illnesses. There was even mention of Parvo, which just about killed me. We had just lost our beloved Elwood to cancer & I couldn’t handle losing my new baby. Luckily it was a misdiagnosis, obviously. A dog with a respiratory issue is very scary & I hope she gets better very, very soon. Can I bring you guys dinner or something to help?

  3. says

    Hilarious. Of course I’m relieved Penny is ok, but this seriously made me giggle out loud at my desk. Reminds me of the time I thought my fur-baby, Iggy, was dying. He normally inhales his food, and he showed no interest for a couple days, so of course I was in panic mode. Then when the husband was at home, Iggy let out this very loud fart. I won’t get into the disgusting details, but let’s just say Iggy was no longer “clogged.” We took his toy rope (which he eats!!!) away that day. :-(

  4. says

    I had no clue dogs could get bronchitis! I always laugh when Sasha gets her temp taken. She has the look like “you didn’t even buy me dinner.”

  5. Jen@HealthyFoodandFamily says

    Awww, hopefully Penny feels better soon! The need for sleep wins over anything lately.

  6. says

    Aw, poor Penny!

    We once took our pug to the vet for an emergency visit (off-hours on a Saturday evening) because he got really bloated after dinner and didn’t look like his normal self. He kept pacing around and was just acting weird. When we got to the vet, he took a giant dump on the floor and that was pretty much it. We got a $200 bill because our dog needed to poop.

  7. says

    Aww, poor Penny! I’m glad she’s okay. I didn’t even know dogs could get bronchitis. :( How’s that for a good dog mommy? lol. At least you can look back and laugh and thankfully Penny is on the road to recovery!

    Freckled Latte

  8. Erin says

    POOR PENNY :( My pup just got over some “kennel cough” which is not very serious once treated, but had him puking up little piles of bile every hour on the hour. I was terrified!!!!

    The “boop” make me laugh. A lot.

    Feel better, Penny!!!

  9. says

    This made me laugh out loud because around the same time this happened to you guys, my shih tzu got sick as well. I am a bartender and I came home at 3:30am, laid in my bed next to my slumbering husband and dog and right into a pile of puke. Yep, pissed!! We have a king bed so I moved to the other side and laid down right in piss. Alex was surrounded by puke and piss. I woke him up and we turned on the light….puke everywhere except on Alex HAHAHA. I was so mad I put our dog in her crate, took off the sheets and we laid down around all the stains. LOL….I repeatedly said Im going to be the worst mom ever.

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