Friday Fun Facts

// The alternate ending to this post title was “…because I couldn’t get my shit together in time for a Totally Truthful Thursday.” 

// I literally texted my friend Brittany last week asking if she would take her baby to the pediatrician for a runny nose. She’s a two-time mom, and instead of telling me to stop being stupid and take a Xanax, she gave me some helpful alternate ideas to try first so the pediatrician’s office doesn’t flag me as a frequent flier.

// Whenever Jack fusses and cries because I do mean things like keep him out of harm’s way, I serenade him with The Rolling Stones’ “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” Every single time.

// My friend Shannon hosted thee coolest event the other night. She called it a Thank You Party, and she hosted a happy hour with champagne and apps to thank an intimate group of women who inspire and uplift her. WHAT?! Why is this not a more common thing?! I fully intend on hosting my own Thank You Party in the near future. I loved it!

// I wasn’t intending to be weird and cryptic on IG when I posted about working on a new project. I just don’t have all the pieces in place yet, but I call tell you that I’m nervous and excited about it. I can also tell you that Aaron of RVA Photography took really pretty pictures that I can’t wait to use!

rva photography

// I hate driving at night. #grandmastatus

// My best, oldest, dearest friends, Whitney and Lindsay, will be here this weekend and I’m SO excited! There is something special about spending time with friends who you’ve known your entire life. 

whit and linds

// How to Get Away with Murder the the only TV show I’m watching at the moment and I normally Hulu each week’s episode on Friday mornings, soooo, I’m outta here! Have a great weekend, you guys!

Totally Truthful Thursday

// I don’t keep a baby book.

// On any given day the thought “Am I screwing him up because of (fill in mundane activity here)?” crosses my mind approximately 957 times.

// Why is it unacceptable to comment on someone’s weight if you think they’re too heavy, but completely acceptable to comment on someone’s weight if you think they’re too thin?

// Jack has been crawling and pulling himself up on things around the house for about a week now. While this is incredibly exciting and insanely adorable, it has also added a new level of terror to my days.

// Speaking of crawling, Penny is like, “WTF?! This thing moves?”

// I was gifted some birthday money with the instruction to spend it on myself. My internal struggle is: do I go buy cute (yet nursing friendly) clothes I’ll probably never wear, or do I go buy yoga pants and other “soft clothes” that I’ll wear on a daily basis? (As my friend Shannon said, “Let’s be honest, Jack is the one getting new clothes.”)

// I stopped taking monthly pictures of Jack. You know, the ones that every single mother but me posts on Facebook these days. I was making up a chalkboard every month and having the same identical set up, and when I missed his 6 month photo I felt like a shitty mom. Why? Social media peer pressure. It’s so stupid. I have 1,000 pictures of that kid on my phone!

// I had such a powerful coaching session with Melissa Maher this week and I’m so fired up about the exciting plans I have for myself!

// If you follow me on Instagram, get ready for an overload this weekend. We’re gettin’ dressed up!

Totally Truthful Thursday

// Jack got his first cold and is so miserable. I feel so badly for him! (And I feel badly for me; sucking snot out of a kid’s nose is the grossest.)

// On a happier note, Cory and I are all about our date nights. We’ve implemented a strict bi-weekly date night where Cory’s parents so kindly come over to watch Jack while we go out to dinner and enjoy an hour or two without a baby. This week we went to Bonefish and I ate all the bang bang. 


// Jack is now refusing to take a bottle and it’s driving me out of my ever-loving mind. Up until about 4 months, he had no problem with it, but now he acts like he has no idea what to do with it. It’s causing me great anxiety because we have a few events coming up in October that will require me to be away from him for more than 3 hours, and of course I’m convinced he’ll starve to death. HELP!

// I have two “beyond the blog” articles out this week, and I’m proud of them! One is in defense of the Millennials on Best Kept Self, and one is about why I need my childless girlfriends more than ever on Scary Mommy. (PS. getting published on Scary Mommy was a stretch goal of mine this year, and it blows my mind that this is article number 3!)

// Jack and Penny are totally BFFs and it’s too cute.

penny and jack

// When someone tells me that their child’s nap spans several hours, my first thought is, Do you have a pet unicorn, too? 

// My birthday is coming up (get your gifts in the mail now) and when Cory asked what I wanted, my only request was sleep. No fancy dinner, no afternoon winery trip, no Michael Kors watch…just sleep.

// Does anyone else not get periscope? I want to understand, because I’m sure it’s the next “big thing,” but I feel like I don’t have the time to add another social media platform to my life. I think that means I’m getting old.

// I’m obsessed with three ladies at the moment. Stephanie. Gervase. Jenn. Check them all out, thank me later.


Totally Truthful Thursday

// On Tuesday morning when I woke up for Jack’s 3am “breakfast” I had one of those zits on my chin that looks more like a bug bite than I zit. You know what I mean? Anyway, as I was nursing Jack I thought about how I’ve used breastmilk on his skin when he has a rash or a cut and it heals him within a matter of hours. You see where this is going don’t you? Yes, I put my own breastmilk on my face.

It worked.

// My girlfriends and I have implemented a monthly Wine Down Wednesday, and I’m confident this will save my sanity.


// Having a child has given me this newfound motivation to be healthy (obviously not too healthy ^^)  It’s so strange, but I’m now constantly thinking about what I’m putting in my (and subsequently Jack’s) body. I bought a juicer and I’m more excited than I probably should be. I love you, Amazon Prime.  If you’re into juicing, I’m in the market for any and all resource recommendations! 

// I posted this video earlier in the week about my experience with Jack’s new Newton crib mattress. In it, I mention my genuine concern about Jack rolling over in his sleep and being face-down. The morning after I posted this video, Cory went into Jack’s nursery after we heard him on the monitor, and he was face-down and fully swaddled. I am SO THANKFUL he was sleeping on the Newton mattress. I’m not even exaggerating, this mattress is amazing.

// It’s so odd that I feel alone while I’m home all day with Jack, but when Cory gets home, I just want five minutes by myself. How does that even make sense?!

// Real talk: this week has been shitty in the SAHM department. I have a Stage 5 Clinger baby, and he throws a major fit whenever I put him down (which is unlike him.) I think he may be starting to teethe, and I’m pretty sure I’m handling it like he’s going away to college next week. THEY GROW UP SO FAST.



// I’m so ready for it to be Friday afternoon.

Totally Truthful Thursday

// After not working out for almost a year, I knew I’d be sore after my first Body Pump class. The part of the equation that I failed to calculate was the fact that I’d have to carry around a 14.5 pound baby following said Body Pump class. Woof.

// I finished Friday Night Lights and I have a few things to say about it: I have a void in my life the size of Tim Riggins and Coach Taylor, I’ve decided that I want to be Tami Taylor when I grow up, and I’m now saying Texas Forever at totally inappropriate times.


(Thank God this girl will process my feelings with me.)

// Come 2:00 each day, I start day dreaming about drinking wine. I really shouldn’t drink on the job, but as soon as Cory get home, I get pourin’.

// I’m on the planning committee for a “young alumni” homecoming-type event for Longwood that will take place during Oktoberfest this year, and I’m super pumped about it. The sweet event organizer created a Facebook group for the committee members and asked everyone to introduce themselves with their names, year of graduation, involvement on campus, and their favorite part of Oktoberfest. Everyone was super professional — until I came along.


// If you follow me on Instagram, this is old news BUT – this weekend, when it was approximately eight thousand degrees, Cory and I went to a Flying Squirrels game. I asked Cory to stop at a drug store on the way out so we could pick up a fan in hopes of keeping Jack from melting. When he came out with a miniature box fan, I about died. I had something slightly smaller in mind, but thanks to Cory, everyone in section 205 stayed nice and cool (just kidding, we all had swamp ass.)


// We’re flying to Pensacola, Florida next week. “We’re” as in, with a baby. God help us.

Totally Truthful Thursday

1. For the past few days, I have been somewhat allergic to the gym. Meaning, when I think about it, my body starts hurting and I decide it’s better to just stay in bed until 6:30.

2. We recently went antiquing, and Cory was reminded of why we can’t have nice things or go nice places (read: I love any that is inappropriate.)

3. I know it’s kind of early, but I am in desperate need for some creative ideas for a Halloween costume. I’m not above being festive and slutting it up, but I normally feel awkward when I’m half naked in public/like an idiot when I say “I’m a cat! Get it? I have on a leotard, heels, and kitty headband!” 

4. THIS article made me LOL.

5. Cory and I are currently binge-watching Orange is the New Black. I wasn’t hooked by the first episode, but now that we’re a few deep, I’m obsessed. I love/hate that at the end of each episode, I’m like, Okay – just one more. 



6. I’ve not yet run to my local Starbucks for my beloved PSL – and it’s been super difficult. It need it to be cooler. I need to be wearing boots. It needs to feel like fall. I am so weird.

7. My parents looked so good this past weekend!

8. My current life struggle: On Fridays, I LOVE Fridays…

…On Saturdays, I HATE Fridays.

Cory was away a few weekends ago. This was my response to “how was ladies’ night?”

9. I’m in this phase of life where I’m really okay with myself. And it feel awesome.

If you remember this post from last year, you know it’s something I’ve been battling with for a while. Little situations recently have reminded me of how proud of myself I am. It feels good to feel good! 😉

10. This makes me laugh every.single.time I see it.

Totally THANKFUL Thursday

I know it’s normally Totally Truthful Thursday, but you know what? I have a lot to be thankful for this week (read: always) – and clearly I’m a sucker for alliteration 😉

  • My husband, duh. He’s the best – seriously. He makes me laugh every single day, he’s smart as all get out, and he can pretty much do anything. I simply adore him.

Yes, he’s building our deck. No, he’s never built one before. Yes, he’s amazing.

  • Genuine friendships – I’m so lucky to have a generous handful of people who I genuinely trust, laugh with, and can simply be myself around.

Only a lucky few can handle this much weird. 

  • Our neighbors – OH MY GOD we have the best neighbors ever. More times that I can count, I’ve said to Cory, Seriously. How did we get this lucky?


Not to mention, our entire neighborhood is amazing. Example: I drive down the street waving to kids…and enjoy it. Who am I?

  • My health – There’s not a day that passes when I don’t thank The Big Guy for my able body and mind.
  • Being DONE with grad school this upcoming Monday.

  • Contacts, tampons, and birth control – because they make my life better.
  • Our DVR – How else would I watch shows that come on after 9 PM?
  • Google Maps and GPS – For without those two inventions, I would most likely be a hermit.
  • My jeans still fitting – because I’ve missed more workouts than I care to admit.
  • For Sweet Frog not being within walking distance of my house – because then I would definitely have to omit the previous thankful statement.

  • Tomorrow being Friday. Enough said.

*Tell me something you’re thankful for! :)

Totally Truthful Thursday

  • I could never be a person who takes regular “outfit of the day” pictures. Not because I hate them, but because it takes me a solid 5 minutes to get a picture that I actually like. And then I shamefully admit to myself that I’m going to be late for work because I was taking pictures of myself.

  • Two weeks ago, I had a heinous sinus infection. This week, I have an upper respiratory infection. I don’t think I’ve worn make-up in like, two weeks because I feel like my entire face is chapped from constantly blowing my nose for the past 18 days.
  • Speaking of not wearing make up, I’m actually doing it more often, (even before my nose was raw.) I’m bowing down to these new Simone France products I’ve been using. Guys, this stuff serious gold. I can’t wait to write up my review for you.

#nofiltertohidezits #nomakeup #thankGODforsimonefrance!!!!

  • Not only do I use hashtags on my blog, I also use them in texts with my BFFS. Weird?
  • Get this, Emily ran her first half marathon (!!!) this weekend, and after the race, a reader stopped her and noticed her from this blog! She’s the second friend who’s been noticed in public. Have I ever been spotted by a reader? No.
  • My concern is that on the off (way, way off) chance that someone ever notices me from this blog, it’ll be on a Sunday when I’m grocery shopping, un-showered, and in the most unflattering clothes. I’m so vain, but it’s the truth.

Totally Truthful Thursday.

1. I ate three huge cookies last night while catching up on The Biggest Loser. It feels good for now, but once they get to the makeover episode, I feel shameful and switch to gum chewing.

2. I’ve been married for (almost) a year and a half, and my email address is still colleen.maiden I’m certain that this is unacceptable, but it feels like such a pain in the ass to change.

3. Bad dreams affect me for like, hours, after I wake up. Jamie and Emily, I hope you’re not really mad at me in real life. I also hope there is not a rabid raccoon in my closet in real life.

4. I feel unfeminine when I admit that I couldn’t care less about celebrating Valentine’s Day.

5. It’s such a pet peeve of mine when people say, “I could care less.” COULDN’T!!! If you’re expressing your apathy about an issue, you could not care any less! If you COULD care less, then you OBVIOUSLY care. Random rage. I apologize. 

6. I would sleep with socks on if Cory didn’t think it was gross.

7. My mom and I talk at least twice a day and my Dad thinks it’s ridiculous. He says, “What could you two possibly have to talk about now??” Um, everything, Dad. Everything.

8. At my new gym, I am always the first person to show up to 6 AM fitness classes. I remain nervous until another person walks in the room.

9. I’ve written a serious post about struggling with anxiety, but I’m anxious to publish it. Ironic.

10. I’ve found these two blogs recently and I love them! I think you will, too!