Here’s what I don’t get: why there are a million and seven books and resources for pregnant women to help us navigate pregnancy, but once we actually birth the damn thing, it’s a dried up resource well. As if all the experts huddled together and decided “we’ll tell them how to get their baby to sleep well (LOL), but other than that…it’s on them.”
There are tons of things to expect once you actually have your baby, but here are the first five that come to mind.
1. You still look pregnant after you’re no longer pregnant. Some of us are luckier than others in this department, but I was slightly taken aback by my sagging, soft, empty belly post-birth. I wasn’t expecting everything to immediately snap back into place, but I wasn’t expecting to my belly to look or feel the way that it did, either.
2. You won’t be able to relax. So many kind souls have offered to come over and “relieve” me of my momming duties for an hour or two so I can take a nap, go get my nails done, etc. In theory, that sounds FANTASTIC, but what I didn’t expect is the sheer inability to relax. I always feel on. For example, during the two hour car ride to the Billy Joel concert, I called my mom five times check on Jack. Hashtag insane.
3. You will contemplate murder. Okay, that’s the crazy lady hormones talking, but you will wish bodily harm on the following people:
- anyone who wakes your sleeping baby
- anyone who tells your their baby is a perfect sleeper
- anyone who acts as though they’ve got this parenting thing in the bag (aka: the worst humans alive.)
4. You will get drunk the first time you drink. When I say “drink” I’m talkin’ more than your nightly glass or two of wine. A few weeks ago, I went out out for the first time since having Jack and three things happened:
- I did not drink any liquor.
- I was hung over for three days.
- My bar tab was $13. Thirteen dollars.
5. Your fur baby will become…an animal. You all know how much I love my Penny girl. She was, hands down, my first baby and my heart swelled for her. Baby or no baby, I didn’t expect my love for her to change. Well, as much as I still love my Penny girl, she’s not my baby anymore. If you have a fur baby and no human babies, I’m sure you think that sounds harsh (because it is), but if you had a fur baby and now have a human baby, you know it’s just how it goes…
Don’t fret: Penny is still beyond loved and adored! She’s also a great “big sister.”
Honorable mentions: being able to pick up almost anything with your feet, having to do almost everything one-handed, being un-phased by any and all bodily functions.