Any Other Fake Adults Out There?

I was recently involved in a minor car accident. I’d never even gotten a speeding ticket, so it totally rattled me. Like, I didn’t even know what I was supposed to do or what I was supposed to hand over, besides my insurance information [God damn it what IS my insurance information!?]

I never realized how much SHIT was stuffed into my glove compartment until I realized I needed one small piece of paper. Note to self: clean out glove compartment.

When I stepped out of the car with jello legs, the gentleman involved said, I’ve called the police. 

Unaware of that being standard procedure, my thoughts turned to the worst. Oh my God. I’m going to jail! I’m not ready for Orange to be the New Black! 

Cory, who I had just had lunch with, made  a u-turn and drove back to “the scene” to meet me, because I’m incapable of handling situations like this alone. [Any other fake adults out there?]

He asked what happened, and I told him the cops had been called, and I’d probably be arrested and sent to death row.

Ladies and gentlemen, this was a parking lot fender bender.

And a rude awakening to the fact that I should probably take a fucking chill pill.


  1. says

    Sounds like my first fender bender in high school (a whole week after I got my driver’s license, too). The guy got out of his car, while I sat in stunned silence as to what just happened, he approached the damage, then approached my window, and while I was in the middle of my apology, he said, “I’m calling the police. Don’t you f***ing move!”

    I was shaking so badly that I could barely drive home once it was over.

    The funny thing was, the only damage done was to my car. Plus, that night, I was playing The Game of Life with my family, to get my mind off it, and I landed on a space that said, “Wreckless Driving. Lose Auto Insurance.”


    But I had that exact same string of emotions when I went through my first accident.

  2. says

    I completely understand Colleen! I don’t have the greatest driving record but the accident I was in, ended in a huge meltdown. It was also pretty minor. I hope there isn’t much body damage. That stuff is so expensive!

  3. says

    Girl, I am totally the girl who has NO fucking clue what to do either. I was 16 when I got in my first car accident and it was because a car 2 cars up stalled in the middle of the intersection after a stop light and we had all started to hit the gas. I couldn’t slam my breaks fast enough and hit the guy in front of me. He was SO nice and knew it wasn’t actually my fault (he kept begging the cops not to write me a ticket!) but I was crying SO much and SO hard that everyone thought I MUST have been hurt. No, no…just a big baby.

  4. says

    Omg! Haha I can so relate! A few weeks ago I was “pulled over” in the parking lot to the dentist office my mom works at. I had just pulled in from the intersection and apparently I had “run a yellow light”. (Yellow isn’t red, right?).
    Well I had no idea what to do and I was shaking fumbling through the glove compartment. There were about 50 insurance registrations in there all from previous years and I ended up handing him 3 of those wrong ones. He looked at me like I was crazy. Finally I found the right one, but after that, I just wanted to die. Obviously I proceeded to cry and tell my mom I was “arrested” in the parking lot once I went in to the office.
    (I didn’t even get a ticket just a “verbal warning ” to drive safe, haha!) But since then I have not driven once…except one time to get coffee down the street from my house. Thank god I will be moving to the city for college where no cars are needed!

  5. says

    oh my gosh, I tapped a man when I was in Columbia, MO to pick up my older brother from college (I was 18) and started crying. Thank goodness he was a dad to a teenage girl who had just had a similar experience… It was so overwhelming!

  6. Mel S. says

    I’m definitely a fake adult sometimes. There are days when I pay bills or cook a meal or clean the apartment and I giggle, because it feels like I’m playing house. And when I get sick? Forget it — I want a “real adult” to take care of me, STAT! Glad I’m not the only one out there :)

  7. says

    I’m the “Bitch” who calls the plice. (As I’ve been told twice n two seperate fender benders, both NOT my fault)

    Better safe than sorry since my first ever fender bender, the guy cussed me out, knocked my phone frommy hands and then got in his car and drove off!!!! (He rear ended me and luckily a nice couple followed him to is home while on the phone with the police) I mean seriously, people are asshats.

    Being an over protective mom, I don’t mess around and would rather ave someone there who actually does know the law and the wato handle things, plus, I don’thave to show my uly side when someone says something stupid to me in high stressful situations.

    Just my thoughts.

    Hope you had a glass of wine and a nice chuckle once everything calme down.

  8. says

    Haha, yes! I usually call my husband or my parents when I have no idea what to do. They should really have “here’s how to be an adult” classes in college. No one instinctively knows how to buy a house, pick out health insurance, go through the one million steps of legally changing a name after getting married, etc. It would allow us all to feel a little less dumb when we enter the real world!

  9. says

    Haha I’m definitely a fake adult with you! I was out to dinner the other night and it was late and my car wouldn’t start so I called both my parents so they could tell me what to do! Thankfully I haven’t been in any fender benders since I was 16, but it’s seriously standard procedure to call the police? I had no idea!

  10. says

    I’m another fake adult! So don’t know how to handle myself in public!! 😀

    Hope you got your car sorted! I wouldn’t know what to do in that situation either. I’d have panicked at the word “police!” as well!

  11. Jamie says

    Can I just say how much I love you! Seriously, I read a lot of your posts and shake my head in agreement because I am so much the same person! While when someone tells me they have called the police I panic and then wonder if I know them or they know Kevin and how I will look forward to catching up with them if so! LOL You my friend, never cease to crack me up and I love you for that!


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