It’s the Friday of a holiday weekend, and I won’t sleep if I don’t give you some very serious, unsolicited advice. In the past few months, I’ve learned a few things. Brace yourself for my astounding wisdom.
1. Don’t walk around the house in just your bra for too long. You run the risk of forgetting…and taking the dog out. In the daylight.
2. Don’t be a hero: drink the wine, your breastmilk will be fine. You don’t have to walk this road of motherhood alone. Wine is here for you. Always.
3. Driving long distances with your baby is more difficult than it sounds. Road trip + Google Maps’ estimated time of arrival + baby = two additional hours.
4. Need a quick panic attack? Fall asleep in bed with your infant.
5. Don’t ever say, he’s finally sleeping through the night! #jinx
6. No one thinks your baby is as cute as you do. Maybe your mother does, but that’s it. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s the honest truth.
7. If you plan a conference call during nap time, nap time will not happen that day. Babies have a sixth sense and know when you have important plans that don’t include them. When that happens, they go HAM and obliterate any and all routine.
8. Don’t lick the mustard off your hand unless you’re sure it’s mustard. I’ll just leave this here.