Happy, heartwarming, heavenly and harmonious.
Who am I kidding? We’re talking about pregnancy here, ladies, not my yearly solo trip to Target. During my first pregnancy, I routinely texted Cory to update him on all the gross and weird things that were happening to me, always slightly unsure if they were normal or not (spoiler: they were.)
Side note: God bless the women who attempt to shield their husbands from the reality of pregnancy and childbirth. I don’t understand you, but I respect your decision to continue to fool your husband into believing you’re a delicate flower. You go, girl.
Meanwhile, I’m over here talking about the 4 H’s of pregnancy that all women should know about, talk about, and embrace.
I think every woman understands what it’s like to have her hormones slightly out of whack. Thank you, Period. But pregnancy, the miracle of life, makes your monthly hormone imbalance feel like child’s play. I’m not proud of the fact that I’ve cried over an incorrect food order (the dumbo at the Arby’s drive thru forgot to give me HONEY MUSTARD for my CHICKEN TENDERS!) or that I’ve actually argued with my husband over which magician on America’s Got Talent deserves to win, but it’s happened.
Emotional instability aside, hormones also affect your “pregnancy glow.” I get it, some women actually do glow and float on air, but most of us don’t. I didn’t have much of a skin issue during my first pregnancy, but I’m essentially a 15-year-old pizza face this time around, which is totally awesome when you can use approximately 1% of skincare products sold in the US when you’re pregnant.
I had never experienced heartburn until the end of my first pregnancy, but I almost went to the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. This time around, it’s much less alarming and I almost know when to expect it, but still. That shit HURTS.
Speaking of shit hurting…
I don’t particularly enjoy writing or thinking about buttholes, but hemorrhoids are a reality for most women at some point during her pregnancy. Constipation, swollen veins below your uterus, or pushing during labor are the most common causes of this particular pain in the ass. YAY!
It’s not uncommon to find hair almost anywhere on a pregnant woman. If you’re into a more “natural” look, it probably doesn’t bother you; but I consider waxing and threading to be God’s gift to pregnant women.
I’ve found that my skin is super sensitive to waxing when I’m pregnant, but I’ve found that I have much less of an adverse reaction to threading. I don’t know how or why, but if you have sensitive skin (pregnant or not,) it might be worth trying!
Ah, the joys of pregnancy.