1. How is is already morning?
2. Is it bedtime yet?
3. Can I wear these yoga pants again? *sniff*
4. Can I wear this bra again? *sniff*
5. How accurate is the sniff test?
6. Can he really be hungry again already?
7. Can I really be hungry again already?
8. Where can I safely put this baby so I can pee by myself?
9. Why won’t he nap?
10. Did he just say mama?
11. Do I look acceptable enough to venture out in public?
12. How long should I let him cry before I pick him up? (Answer: Approximately 17 seconds.)
13. Can you over-nurse a baby?
14. How much longer until Cory gets home? (Answer: eternity.)
15. How do women find fun “Mommy + Me” groups?
16. Am I a terrible mom?
17. Does Google know the answer to _____? (Answer: Don’t ever consult Google.)
18. Could he be any cuter?
19. Where’s Penny?
20. Will I be the first new mother to literally grow into her couch?
21. Would it be bad to have a glass of wine right now?
22. Did I almost just end that work call with “I love you”? (Does this happen to anyone else?!)
23. How have more people not posted to Instagram and Facebook since I last checked?
24. Do babies have a sixth sense to cry at the exact moment a mother sits down to do something for herself?
25. What would I pay someone to come over for an hour so I could take a nap?
26. How does my living room get this messy this fast?
27. Am I do this wrong?
28. Who would have ever thought that I’d actually enjoy being a stay/work-at-home-mom? (Answer: not me.)
29. Is it too early for lunch?