Guys. It’s February. Do you know what that means?
I’ll be having a baby NEXT MONTH. [Albeit at the end of next month, but, it’s NEXT MONTH.]
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve pinned approximately 87 posts that have to do with the “X number of things you should do when you’re pregnant.” I’ve read all 87 of them, but probably taken a fraction of the advice.
I didn’t take weekly pictures. I haven’t [and most likely won’t] make frozen meals ahead of time. We aren’t taking a “babymoon.” I won’t write a birth plan. I didn’t stick to a pregnancy workout regimen.
I’ve basically stuck to taking prenatal vitamins and avoiding alcohol and sushi.
Anyway – the “things to do when you’re pregnant” posts are quite popular, so I decided we need a list of things NOT to do when you’re pregnant.
// When you’re at the “large and in charge” stage of pregnancy, experiencing a terrible breakout and pure exhaustion, do not – under any circumstances – look through old Facebook pictures and risk seeing photos of your skinnier, prettier self. This will lead to bad, bad things.
// Try on clothes at a store unless they are MATERNITY CLOTHES. I made this mistake by trying on non-maternity leggings at Old Navy at 31 weeks pregnant and ended up eating my feelings in the form of Baskin-Robbins ice cream. FROM THE DRIVE THRU.
// Watch or read anything having to do with birth stories, birth photos, pets, or soldiers coming home when you’re in public. You will weep openly and make a fool of yourself.
// Assume that your fitness levels are still the same as they were pre-pregnancy. This will result in needing to change your underwear, possibly passing out halfway through the ‘warm up’, experiencing private humiliation, and/or all of the above.
// Make plans to be anywhere but on the couch, braless and in your sweats, any time after 7pm.
// Feel guilty about doing nothing. Some days you’ll shower [or not] only to end up spending your day in PJs on the couch and watching so much Netflix that it asks you, are you still watching? after the 8th episode of your show-of-choice, and you know what? That’s okay.
// Compare yourself to anyone. I just told Clare the other day that I was envious of all her yoga progress, mainly because I can’t even put on pants without a struggle. Thankfully, she’s a good friend and said, “remember, you’re growing a human.”
// Tell anyone the name you’re considering for your unborn child unless you are 100% prepared for them to tell you flat out that they don’t like that name.
// Pin 87 blog posts about what to do when you’re pregnant.